First Days
I realized that I just kinda ended my first post. I should probably do like outros or something. But I think it’s better if I don’t go back and edit them. These are mainly meant to be a flow of thought. I really only edit to remove redundancy. I don’t want to repeat myself in a redundant manner. I’m gonna think about that while I write this one.
The last few days have kinda been a flurry. I’m full of energy, super excited and motivated. I’m waking up feeling good. Excitedly checking on shipping status for items. I’ve already decided, I’m going to come out to my RL friends before the weekend. They come over on a weekly basis, and I don’t want to go through the effort of hiding makeup and stuff. Plus I know they’re chill and likely won’t care. Pretty sure people are going to start asking about it quickly because of my topics today.
For me, my biggest contributors to dysphoria are:
Height (6’2)
Shoulder Width
Feet size(14-15 in mens.)
Bald spot
Body hair (Kinda hirsuite)
And my voice.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can’t really do anything about my height, shoulders, or feet size, and instead am looking for role models that are similarly sized and framed. For my hair, I’m planning to just shave my head and wear wigs. I think it will be a solid alternative. I got a cheap synthetic wig to try out, but I’m debating on when I want to shave my head. That will draw a lot of attention, that I don’t necessarily want right away.
Last night, I started doing a little voice training. I started with pitch as that’s what my guide recommended. I haven’t made any other major changes yet, but I’ve started playing with what I feel comfortable at. As I mentioned in my last post, I plan to record my progress.
This is to have a reference for where I started. Last night, I read up on pitch and larynx position. I experimented with them and saw how much I could actually change my voice.
Here’s my first attempt at speaking in what feels kinda natural. Shifting my pitch up. It’s still not quite there. I fall into my old range? Not really sure the right word. But one of the things that a lot of this vocal training has in common is that it’s applicable for singing and music. It’s something I’ve always been interested in, but never really tried to do seriously. And I don’t know how much I’m going to keep doing it. But I figured I’d record myself singing along to a couple of songs. Of course, many of them have the quality. ‘oh I don’t know the reason or what is the lyrics for this part of the song.’ I’m not going to share those because they’re too embarrassing. Those go directly to trash, do not pass go. But this one… I don’t think it’s great by any measure. But I figured I’d share. As with everything else, I want to have something to compare against later.
I really love ‘Don’t Forget’ by Toby Fox. It’s a cute little song that plays at the end of Deltarune Ch. 1. Plus I know the lyrics by heart. I think it’s going to be my voice practice song. Based on what little I know about music, I think my next step for singing is better breath control. Which is a bit of a pain because of asthma, but definitely possible, but also not my priority. But it may just be a side effect of voice training.
Unrelated but ADHD, Camellia does a great rendition in Rude Buster.
Next up, body hair. This one is obnoxious. I spent two hours with a combination of clippers, an electric shaver, and a regular razor, I still feel gross. There’s a significant improvement and the change is pretty exciting in a lot of ways, but at the same time. I think I’m going to have to settle into a pretty regular shaving routine to maintain this. I’m planning to try out a chemical option like Nair. I’m aware of the potential downsides, so I’m not counting on it. But if it works, it will be a huge life saver that would delay my desires for laser hair removal. (Still probably my top medical intervention after HRT. Shaving is already a pretty dysphoric experience for me.)
I also picked up a new safety razor and shaving soap. This should allow me to get a closer shave for my face to hopefully pass a little better. I messed up the lathering process and nicked myself a couple of times on the first go. But hey. No pain no gain.
I’ve also ordered some new liquid nail polish with the advice of a friend. As well as some skin care products. I have a few other items coming over the next week. Annoyingly, my undies are on a long delay. Bra and inserts are expected to be here the 10th. Panties are even longer, but I already have comfy panties, but the ones I’ve ordered are trans specific for easier tucking.
Welp. I’m getting eepy and I think I covered everything I was worried about hitting on tonight so I guess this is outro time? I forgot to think about an outro…
Uhhh.
Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub.
-Kat